If you need help right now
If you’re in danger or thinking about ending your life, call 999 or 112 now. If you need to talk to someone tonight, Samaritans are there 24 hours a day on 116 123, free from any phone in the UK or Ireland. See all the helplines.
You don't need the right words
A lot of men put off asking for help because they don’t know how to explain what’s wrong. You don’t have to. “I’m not doing great” or “I haven’t been myself” is enough to start with. The people you talk to are used to helping you find the rest.
You also don’t need to wait until it’s really bad. The earlier you reach out, the more options you usually have.
Step one: tell one person
A mate, a brother, your partner, a workmate you trust. Pick someone and say it out loud. It doesn’t fix everything, but carrying it alone is often the heaviest part.
If there’s nobody you feel you can tell, a helpline counts. Ringing Samaritans just to talk is fine. You don’t have to be in crisis.
Step two: talk to your GP
Your GP is the main way into most support. They can talk it through with you, check for anything physical that might be playing a part, and refer you to counselling or other services.
- Ask for a longer appointment if you can, so you don’t feel rushed.
- Write a few lines down beforehand and read them out if that’s easier. Something like: “I’ve been feeling low for a few weeks, I’m not sleeping, and I’m not myself.”
- Be honest about drink, drugs or gambling if they’re part of it. It helps them help you, and they’ve heard it all before.
In the UK, seeing an NHS GP is free. In Ireland, a GP visit usually costs money unless you have a medical card or GP visit card.
Other ways in
- Talking therapies in England. You can refer yourself to NHS Talking Therapies for anxiety and depression, without seeing your GP first. Find your local service.
- Counselling in Ireland. If you have a medical card, the HSE’s Counselling in Primary Care service offers free counselling. You need a referral from your GP or another health professional. More from the HSE.
- Men who meet up and talk. Peer groups like Andy’s Man Club in the UK and Men’s Sheds in the UK and Ireland are free and you can just turn up. Details on our help page.
- Drink, drugs or gambling. Our recovery page covers helplines, meetings and ways into treatment.
If the first door doesn't open
Sometimes the first person you talk to doesn’t get it, or there’s a waiting list. That isn’t a sign you’re beyond help. It’s a sign to try the next door. Go back to your GP, ring a helpline while you wait, or ask someone you trust to help you chase it up.