Ask twice. Mean it.
Most men say “I’m grand” when they’re not. You don’t need the right words or any training. You just need to notice, ask, and listen.
What to look out for
- He’s gone quietStopped replying in the group chat, cancels plans, keeps to himself.
- He’s drinking moreOr using other stuff to get through the week.
- He’s angry or on edgeFlying off the handle over small things.
- Big changesA break up, losing a job, money trouble, a death, a diagnosis.
- Dark jokes“Wouldn’t matter if I wasn’t here.” Don’t laugh it off. Ask about it.
- Giving things away or saying goodbyeTidying up his affairs out of nowhere. Take this seriously, today.
How to start the conversation
Pick a moment side by side: a drive, a walk, a pint, the match. It’s often easier than face to face.
- Ask“You’ve seemed a bit off lately. How are you really doing?” If he says “grand”, ask again.
- ListenDon’t rush to fix it or tell him it could be worse. Let him talk, and let the silences be.
- Encourage“Have you thought about talking to someone? I’ll sit with you while you ring.”
- Check inText him the next day, and the week after. Keep showing up.
If he mentions suicide
Ask him straight: “Are you thinking about killing yourself?” Asking won’t put the idea in his head. It shows you’re taking him seriously, and it’s often a relief to be asked.
Stay with him. If he’s in immediate danger, call 999 or 112. If not, help him ring Samaritans on 116 123, or Pieta on 1800 247 247 in Ireland. And look after yourself too. You can call those lines for support as well.